“Janey’s got a gun”. “Janey’s got a gun”. Janey Briggs from Not Another Teenage Movie is the spitting image of me. Welcome to my world at Lakemont High School the biggest hole on this earth. It is separated with different types of kids. It has the popular kids, the hippie kids, then there is us the geeks. We are the lowest and will always be the lowest.
Our everyday attire consists of dirty overalls and beat up Chuck Taylors. We wear these creepy eyeglasses that kind of resemble Harry Potter glasses. The good thing is these glasses help me see everything from the smallest words to the girls gelled down baby edges. Honestly I was not trying to impress anyone at Lakemont. Luckily this was my senior year and with all the pressure on me I did not have time to even think about a boy.
Everyone at Lakemont had girlfriends and boyfriend’s besides me. The football players dated the cheerleaders, hippies dated other hippies and geeks dated no one. Some of my friends were hippies and they all had boyfriends. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s not that I did not want a boyfriend I was just so focused on school I really did not have time for it. It would be a huge distraction so I thought. With that being said I was not ready for what soon happened. Life Itself felt as if it was at a end for me.
Starting second semester at Lakemont was beyond stressful. The fact that graduation was a few months away made everything even more stressful. Prom was near too but I did not care I was not going anyway. The crazy thing is all my friends were dating and I was not. They pressured me into dating but I knew for a fact I was not ready. My maturity level was low as well as my self esteem.
As days went by and weeks flew by I started seeing this one football player a lot. We had classes together but only on Fridays. See our school put us on a A day B day schedule so on Fridays I came to school happy as ever. He was so fine and sexy. Literally he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His name was Peter.
There were a a lot of Peters at Lakemont but he stood out the most to me. This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking. I guess you can say he was a pretty boy but, that made him even more perfect in my eyes. Finally I had my eyes on somebody.
Friday was here again and I was so excited to see him. He had on the flyest shoes with the flyest outfit to match. The cologne he wore circled my nose with intensity. I finally spoke to him and with everything in me. My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach. Shockingly he spoke back and smiled showing off his white pearls. The feeling I had was incredible and from that moment on I overcame my phobia of boys.
So this became a routine over the next couple of weeks. He was my man crush everyday. His personality seemed So calm and peaceful sort of like the person I had always dreamed of marrying. A couple of weeks is not enough time to really see a person’s true colors so I needed more time. Peter played a lot and was so goofy that every time he made me laugh the restroom called my name. I loved every bit of him from his curly hair to his polo boots
Everyday I wore my glasses for assecories and to help me see better. Peter being Peter snatched them off and ran. He ran so fast that within minutes it became impossible for me to catch him. I really thought I could catch a boy who runs down a huge field everyday for a football. Later on that day I called him up and we started talking immediately.
A hour into our conversation he mentioned the glasses. He stated that if I wanted my glasses I should come get them. I was not sure if I should go over there or wait till Monday to get them. Even Though he was cool I knew he was a player so that made everything more uncomfortable. So I just decided to put my fear aside and go over there. This decision was the end of my life.
At a distance I saw his neighborhood. Questions filled my head completely. What am I getting myself into? Should I just wait till Monday to get them? His house was beautiful and was exactly what I expected. Whereas mines was beat up and slowly falling apart. I rang the door bell and he answered the door so quick as if he was watching for me out the window. Peter was super hot hotter then fire. So I guess you can say i was head over heels for this guy.
We sat down on his leather couch and began talking again. This time I was more nervous than when we talked on the phone. We were face to face so my anxiety level was at its highest. This conversation was something major. He got closer and closer to me but, surprisingly I was not scared. Lord knows I was loving every bit of it. Everything seemed magical and I was just waiting on Prince charming to make that final move.
He finally kissed me after about 10 minutes and it was amazing. We started making out for awhile and then it happened. We went to his room and I did not know what to do. He layed me down on his bed and continued to kiss me passionately. We became one that night. The heat of my body combined with the heat if his body powerfully. Soon our whole relationship or friendship went downhill.
Days went by and we slowly loss all contact. We both distanced ourselves with tension. I was so confused and he was confused. Usually we would sit by each other in class but we stopped. I did not know what was going on between us. Everything was so awkward now. 3 weeks passed and there was still no contact.
After all that tension I was completely exhausted. I started feeling sick on the inside. This was not any ordinary sickness it was bad. The toilet became my friend because I continuously threw up. This lasted for about 2 weeks. I finally went to my doctor and she told me that this was not a stomach virus. She stated to me to that I was pregnant.
How could this be? This couldn’t be true. I was only 17 what was I going to do with a baby. Keeping this from my mom was hard so I just came out and told her my situation. She was so mad with me but there was nothing I could do. Adoption and Abortions were not choices for me. I would have to live with this even if it resulted in not graduating from Lakemont.
Telling Peter about my pregnancy was the hardest thing. Knowing that it was a possibility that he would be mad was scary. So finally I Got in contact with him and he was mad. He stated to me that he was not ready to be a father. It was one thing he never told me that I feared the most. He was born with HIV. So I got tested and it came back positive. This one mistake caused a lot. Knowing that my life would possibly be shortened was even worse. My life took a wrong turn.
7 months passed and shockingly he was by my side. It was time to have the baby and we were nervous. We coped with having to take a lot of medication and the pregnancy. I knew I would not be able to have a natural birth because of my illness but I was still happy. We were excited to finally meet our baby boy.
During my labor l took my medicine that I thought would lower the risk of him having the disease. So I took it and began my labor but his movement slowed rapidly . Not knowing how this would turn out I just prayed. After about 15 minutes they cut him out and I was relieved. There was a painful silence that filled the room. He did not cry and the color of his skin was purple. Immediately they explained to me that my baby boy was dead. Some things are just not what they appear to be. Man I knew should have just waited till monday.
All About Stacey 
Well then… I wasn’t expecting that ending Lol. This story was very eccentric, and a girl could really relate to the main character. Your artifact was glasses, and you can tell by the way you described them and how they related to her personality. You had some really good little metaphors you snuck in there: ).your tone was great I could feel her excitement about this boy decrease the instant he asked her to come over. I already Didn’t like him from the beginning any way he seemed in genuine. However I can’t tell what your irony was, Maybe Im not Reading right or something. But if it was thrown in there I feel as if you should have worked to make it Alot more obvious, as soon as I read it every thing should have clicked together. Otherwise I felt as if you approached the time pace nicely except for in the end when she was already having the baby..maybe you should have already had her be pregnant in the beginning or Maybe even time lapse forward to after the baby died. This was a great story however, don’t get me wrong. You have a beautiful way of developing characters. Keep writing stace! Good job: )
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I like the idea of your story. I found it funny when you talk about gelled baby hair it made me think of the girls at our school (edges laid for the gods) lol. I thought your story was detail ay times but other time I felt it needed more details but other then that it was good. I felt like i was your main character because that was me at one point in time.
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Your story was really good. I could tell that your artifact was the glasses, because you mentioned them several times throughout your story. I like how you incorporated it into the story by making it part of the conflict. If the girl didn’t go to get her glasses, the rest of the story wouldn’t have happened. You even said at the end, “Man I knew should have just waited till Monday.” I think there was dramatic irony when the readers knew that she was pregnant before she told Peter. You had great details when you said, “This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking” and “from his curly hair to his polo boots”. I also saw metaphors like “My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach. Shockingly he spoke back and smiled showing off his white pearls.” These were great because I could image these things. The plot of your story was really good and it kept me interested the entire time. I love how you had more than one conflict and how one conflict led to the next major conflict, so good job. Overall, your story was really good and I think you are a very talented writer. Keep up the good work! 🙂
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Thanks GIRL
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Well then… I wasn’t expecting that ending Lol. This story was very eccentric, and a girl could really relate to the main character. Your artifact was glasses, and you can tell by the way you described them and how they related to her personality. You had some really good little metaphors you snuck in there: ).your tone was great I could feel her excitement about this boy decrease the instant he asked her to come over. I already didn’t like him from the beginning any way he seemed in genuine. However I can’t tell what your irony was, Maybe I’m not Reading right or something. But if it was thrown in there I feel as if you should have worked to make it A lot more obvious, as soon as I read it everything should have clicked together. Otherwise I felt as if you approached the time pace nicely except for in the end when she was already having the baby..maybe you should have already had her be pregnant in the beginning or Maybe even time lapse forward to after the baby died. This was a great story however, don’t get me wrong. You have a beautiful way of developing characters. You did a Great job on utilizing tone and emotion in this story, Leanne. With every word came another emotion, and it just kept the reader involved in the story. It was good thing because your story kept me hooked from beginning to end. You utilized you artifact so well.. You really developed the character throughout the story though. The whole story explained why she was the way she was and kind of justified the ending. That’s one thing many authors forget to develop, strong imagery. I could see him putting his “charms on her” as she blushed ferociously. I was sad that she fell for such a dirt bag of a dude. She seemed very genuine and loving and it’s a shamed this happened to her. You also had great metaphors and similes. You had a very creative vocabulary and interpreted it into your story making it more colorful and diverse. I have no idea how you created such a strong story out of such a cliché item like a glasses but of course you made it work. You incorporated something that happens very often in modern times and made it relatable to even girls this hasn’t happen to. Great job on a great story! (410)
-Levi
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Dear Stacey,
Let me start by saying your title was right on point with a everyday situation in high school and it went just right with the story. I loved your story. It seemed so realistic. The way you started it “Janey’s got a gun”. “Janey’s got a gun”, I didn’t quite understand that part, but as I continued to read I realized that it was still a good story. The way you described the different groups in the high school made me picture it like they would in a movie “It is separated with different types of kids. It has the popular kids, the hippie kids, then there is us the geeks”. Your story also reminds me of this movie I saw once, with the whole football player dating a nerd story plot. I remember in class you were discussing your artifact being the Harry Potter looking glasses. You mentioned the artifact and gave an important sentence to me that leads to the irony, “The good thing is these glasses help me see everything…”. Now I feel as if the irony is the glasses that helped her see everything, didn’t help her see the trouble that was about to come dealing with Peter “the football player” (because by that time he took them from her). I like that you also had her thoughts about the conversation intertwined in the story “He stated that if I wanted my glasses I should come get them. I was not sure if I should go over there or wait till Monday to get them”. The tone at the beginning was more isolated and quiet then it led to guilt and worry. You used a few figurative language techniques. “Our everyday attire consists of dirty overalls and beat up Chuck Taylors.” (Imagery), “I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.” (Idiom, I think), “My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach” (Personification), and a few others. I didn’t expect the last few paragraphs to happen as they did so that was a twist to me especially him leaving her and she ended up pregnant with a STD. Whew, that was too much. It was sad how it ended with her losing her baby because of the STD and regretting the decision she made. If I had to incorporate something you did in my next writing pieces, I would have to use the intensity you included. Great story Stacey. Keep writing. (Count 413)
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Wow! That was my reaction during the whole story while I was reading it. Your story was amazing, everything I predicted never happened and thats actually a good thing. I am guessing that the glasses was your artifact, way to incorporate it in your story. I admire the way you used situational irony, everyone in Lakemont were dating and she’s the only one who did not date and when she started talking to this football player, everything changed. Not only for her but also for him. It only took not two but ONE time for her to get pregnant but only pregnant but also to be diagnosed with HIV. This was really a big life lesson, its better to stay different from everyone else because once you make everyone’s mistake then you’ll be paying the consequences and stay abstinence until marriage. Great way of using metaphor, “My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach”. You also did a great job in using imagery, “There were a a lot of Peters at Lakemont but he stood out the most to me. This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking. I guess you can say he was a pretty boy but, that made him even more perfect in my eyes. Finally I had my eyes on somebody”. When the girl told Peter about her being pregnant and he got mad?! That just shows how immature and irresponsible he was because he’s the one who didn’t wrap it up and didn’t let the girl know that he was born with HIV. Its very ironic how she was supposedly a geek which meant that she was a smart girl but she made a dumb decision in going to Peter’s house just to get her glasses unless she was really blind. She isn’t so smart after all. It’s amazing how having sex one time can change your whole life in both positive and negative way. “After all that tension I was completely exhausted. I started feeling sick on the inside. This was not any ordinary sickness it was bad. The toilet became my friend because I continuously threw up”, I thought she was going through a depression phase in this part but no again I was wrong, she was pregnant *shake my head*. I’ll mention it again, your story was amazing, I really enjoyed reading it. You’re a really talented writer, keep up the good work girl!
*411
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Stacey your story was weak! No just kidding your story was very modern and should be teenager oriented. It was a very relatable subject to teens, this book should be given to people to learn what could happen to you if you don’t use protection. Your story is so personal and that’s they way you connected the audience to your story. I think your artifact was the glasses, I think you should make it more obvious what your artifact is because it wasn’t that clear. Your diction and syntax was on point. I didn’t see your irony if there was any in it, but you should make that more obvious so we don’t have to stress out to find it. You had grammatical errors that could’ve been fixed, but it still was a great story. I noticed while reading you talk how you write kinda, just be mindful of that, even though you wanted to put your style in your writing; talking how you write is a no. Overall great story and keep up the good work.
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Hey baby, I really enjoyed your story, It was real relatable for a girl like myself, I really appreciated that. I liked how you started off directly in the story and by describing your main character. Another thing that I loved is that you knew exactly where you wanted to go with your story, you had fully developed characters and a fully developed story line. Your story was detailed perfectly and everything flowed together nicely. (
Starting second semester at Lakemont was beyond stressful. The fact that graduation was a few months away made everything even more stressful. Prom was near too but I did not care I was not going anyway. The crazy thing is all my friends were dating and I was not. They pressured me into dating but I knew for a fact I was not ready. My maturity level was low as well as my self esteem.
As days went by and weeks flew by I started seeing this one football player a lot. We had classes together but only on Fridays. See our school put us on a A day B day schedule so on Fridays I came to school happy as ever. He was so fine and sexy. Literally he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His name was Peter.
There were a a lot of Peters at Lakemont but he stood out the most to me. This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking. I guess you can say he was a pretty boy but, that made him even more perfect in my eyes. Finally I had my eyes on somebody.
Friday was here again and I was so excited to see him. He had on the flyest shoes with the flyest outfit to match. The cologne he wore circled my nose with intensity. I finally spoke to him and with everything in me. My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach. Shockingly he spoke back and smiled showing off his white pearls. The feeling I had was incredible and from that moment on I overcame my phobia of boys.) everything was done really nice here and it was just great. I couldn’t really put a finger on your irony I’m guessing it was situational buy other than that I really loved your story, most def one of my faves. Great work as usual! 😉
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Stacey, I loved your plot line it is so relate-able since it talks about teen pregnancy and nowadays we see that a lot, but I thought your story was very well written and you wrote with voice which was very nice. The ending was sad, but the last sentence was like a not funny but kind of funny realization. Your artifact was the glasses that the girl wore, you mentioned it at the beginning and you mentioned it in the scene where the characters were talking on the phone and you did use it very well in your story because she went to get her glasses her whole life went downhill basically. The Irony in your story is the fact that even though she took pills so that the baby wouldn’t be affected by her sickness, the baby still got affected and sadly died at the end. Your tone was serious at first because you start off by explaining how Lakemont High works and how people are segregated and hippies hang with hippies and so on and the main character sounds as if she didn’t enjoy it; when you explain that the main character stars to get excited about seeing Peter everyday and everything your tone is happy, then towards the end your tone was sad because the main character made a bad choice of going to Peter, ended up pregnant, and loses her baby. (Friday was here again and I was so excited to see him. He had on the flyest shoes with the flyest outfit to match. The cologne he wore circled my nose with intensity. I finally spoke to him and with everything in me. My palms were drenched and butterflies danced around in my stomach. Shockingly he spoke back and smiled showing off his white pearls. The feeling I had was incredible and from that moment on I overcame my phobia of boys. So this became a routine over the next couple of weeks. He was my man crush everyday. His personality seemed So calm and peaceful sort of like the person I had always dreamed of marrying.) In this one paragraph you use your voice and it is so creative the way you wrote this is one of my favorite paragraphs. You use metaphors and similes for example in the paragraph above when you say “his personality seemed so calm and peaceful sort of like the person……..” You did a very good job on imagery and I enjoyed your story overall it was well written. Good job!!!! (word count 422)
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STACYYYYYYYYYY Yes !!! I just want to start off by saying once again you blew me like a candle ! All of your pieces have me on edge . To be honest your story was the best story I have read since we started this whole commenting on story stuff . From beginning to end you had me on edge , really engaged into the story . “Janey’s got a gun”. “Janey’s got a gun” really stuck out to me because you started off with it . I could automatically tell what your artifact was with was the glasses . I like how you incorapted it because you mentioned it a lot and you had your whole story play around the artifact ” Everyday I wore my glasses for assecories and to help me see better” . I didn’t have to stress my self out to fine the artifact . So amazing job on that . The tone of the story was chill and innocent in the beginning then at the end got more guilty . Your story was so realistic because in high school girls really do think like this . I can make a connection to self because this is how I really feel ” vEveryone at Lakemont had girlfriends and boyfriend’s besides me. The football players dated the cheerleaders, hippies dated other hippies and geeks dated no one. Some of my friends were hippies and they all had boyfriends. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s not that I did not want a boyfriend I was just so focused on school I really did not have time for it. It would be a huge distraction so I thought.” I say this everyday !!!! Your imagery was also really amazing . I literally saw everything that was described in this ” As days went by and weeks flew by I started seeing this one football player a lot. We had classes together but only on Fridays. See our school put us on a A day B day schedule so on Fridays I came to school happy as ever. He was so fine and sexy. Literally he was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His name was Peter.
There were a a lot of Peters at Lakemont but he stood out the most to me. This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking. I guess you can say he was a pretty boy but, that made him even more perfect in my eyes. Finally I had my eyes on somebody.” I cold tell he was my type while reading this . ( lol ) But stacey everything was perfect keep up the good word ! ( 458)
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Honestly Stacey….. it was good! The ending definitely surprised me though. The whole story was definitely the everyday outside of the box girl story, but it was good. I want to say that the artifact was the glasses, seeing how the story was built off of them. If he hadn’t taken her glasses she wouldn’t have had sex, wouldn’t be positive for HIV, and wouldn’t have had a dead baby. And yet even though your story was sad near the end for some reason I still found a small trace of humour. Maybe because the story sounded like you and I know how you would’ve presented it. Your tone throughout your story was light and happy and lovely, and then when she went over his house it just went, as you stated, downhill. I liked how your story was based around a teen couple and how you described them, especially Peter “This boy had the most perfect teeth and his neatly arched eyebrows were breathtaking”
Really Stacey? A boy with perfect eyebrows? Too funny. I laughed when I read that part.
I also liked how ( I didn’t see the main character’s name so I’ll just call her Janey) Janey repeatedly stated how she was, let’s be honest, a little “obsessed” with Peter. “His personality seemed So calm and peaceful sort of like the person I had always dreamed of marrying”
One thing I would take from your story was the repeated description of one person. It made you pay more attention to the character and feel some type of emotion when they did something you weren’t expecting from them. I also liked how even though the sex part, since Janey was shy about that topic she didn’t say it was sex, more so “ He layed me down on his bed and continued to kiss me passionately. We became one that night. The heat of my body combined with the heat if his body powerfully.”
I loved your story Stacey and honestly I am so sorry I commented late!
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Stacey, I loved your story, since the first words.” “Janey’s got a gun”. set a president for your story. I loved the way you made your story relatable. I that is what I love about your writing, it brings out issues that we don’t normally talk about. I loved the way you talked about the high school and all the different cliques involved. Your artifact was the glases of course and the way you use them was amazing. I thought your story was spot on when it came to your artifact. The imagery that you used was amazing, like the time when you dicused the highschool,” It has the popular kids, the hippie kids, then there is us the geeks. We are the lowest and will always be the lowest.Our everyday attire consists of dirty overalls and beat up Chuck Taylors. We wear these creepy eyeglasses that kind of resemble Harry Potter glasses. The good thing is these glasses help me see everything from the smallest words to the girls gelled down baby edges. Honestly I was not trying to impress anyone at Lakemont. Luckily this was my senior year and with all the pressure on me I did not have time to even think about a boy”, I tand you fhought why. Why did she need to describe the school in this way, it took me on a rollercoaster ride that I didn’t get off of until I read your entire short story. I think that’s what I also, love about your writing. It goes one way and travels the distance you finnaly figure out what is going on. I believe when you do it makes your brain hurt. I also Loved the way you used situational irony, everyone in Lakemont was dating, which I thought was crazy. And she’s the only one who did not date and when she started talking to this football player, everything changed I mean everything. It crazy because she got pregnant, but also to be diagnosed with HIV. This was really a big life lesson. It tells me that everyone should be an individual because you might fall to the same bad choices everyone else made. In my opinion was great that you put that in there. I think what you wrote was amazing and relatable and I think you have a future in writing. I want to steal form you, the way in which you use your words because the way use it was great.
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